My Castiel

My babies are 16 months old today . . . it's going too fast!

I wanted to create a little bio on each of my children. I am horrible about keeping up with baby books, so maybe this will make up for lost entries, I hoping a least a little.

Youngest to Oldest :)

My Castiel started life by punching through his sack 6 1/2 weeks early. Yes, you're the one. I guess you couldn't wait any longer, or you got tired of sharing such a small space. Even in my tummy, you were the active one that never wanted to be still. KC thought I was ridiculous, but I could tell by the ultrasound pictures that you were fraternal twins. We got side profile pics of you and your brother. I could tell by your forehead that you weren't going to be identical.

You really did rip through your sack, and the only reason you weren't first is because you were stuck on top. You head butted your brother out, and got a bruised head in the process. I delivered you on 11/11/09 at 9:36pm. The nurses scooped you out of the room so fast that I was barely able to catch a glimpse of your tiny little body. We waited, what seemed like forever, for them to stabilize you and be able to really meet you for the first time in the NICU.

At first sight you brought me to tears. You were hooked up to so many machines, I actually asked if it was alright for me to touch you and even then I was a little scared to. The nurse, who was wonderful, explained everything. All the machines and tubes. I remember everything being so loud. Constant beeps and buzzing and alarms. It was a lot to take in. But we quickly learned and got used to all the noise and were able to focus on you.

You had a big bruise covering the top of your head because you were delivered so fast. We knew that you would turn yellow and have issues with jaundice while breaking up all those dead blood cells. You were only 4 pounds 14 ounces, the smallest of a my babies, but a great size for a preemie.

We didn't name you for a couple of days. You were Twin B. It drove our family and friends crazy, they referred to you as Thing 2, probably to hurry up our naming process :) In the end, your name came from the angel "Castiel". We got it from the t.v. show "Supernatural" that we watch weekly. You were the one that had to fight a little harder, so I wanted you to have the angel name. We had no middle name. But I had lost my aunt, Cathy Jean, a few days earlier. I thought since you had the angel name, and now we had my own angel looking over you, you would have her initials. C.J., So you became Castiel Joseph. Joseph, after the hospital that was helping me get you well enough to bring you home. And really, that much thought went into naming you.

You progressed so quickly. Everything only ever got better, we had no scary setbacks. I believe that my aunt had a close watch over you because we only received good news when so much could have gone wrong. You actually pulled out your own IV, and the nurses said you were doing so well, they weren't going to put it back in. And besides the Billy Reuben machine and blankets that you were in constantly, you were a healthy baby, we just waited for your levels to come down. And 11 days later, we brought you home and never looked back.

I cried on the way home with you. I was so happy to be bringing you home. Relieved. And scared. I was finally the one who was responsible for you. Eleven days felt like forever.  And because of a flu outbreak, your older siblings were wanting impatiently at home to get their hands on you. We had taken video and pictures, but it was 11/22 before they actually saw you.

Cameron "called" you first and Zoe was holding you not long after. Audrey kept her distance. I don't know if it was your tiny size that scared her, but it took her a few days to feel comfortable about holding you. But once she did, she never left you alone again.

From the every beginning you seemed to be timid by Cameron's presence. It was almost an instinctive flinch that you knew danger was near :) You still do it today. You know that Cam can't always be trusted to be gentle and careful around you, you always knew.

You've got to take after your Aunt Risa. You are my blond haired child with the biggest of blue eyes. I tease and say you are the twin, because you look so different. But NEVER take that as not being one of mine, because you are and I would never give you up. You are special, you are my baby, you are my blondie that I never imagined I would have, you are my skinny child that I have never experienced, you are high energy, you are quick with a smile, you are mine.

You might be smaller than your brother, but you know how to get what you want. You are pushy and grabby and when you set your mind on something, you are determined and persistent. Everything that your brother has in his hands is more interesting then what you have. That is until you have all of them in your lap and leave your brother crying. You don't share and aren't interested in learning. The trading toys trick doesn't work, because you never want to give anything up. Feisty. Maybe that's a good word to describe you. And you are a head-butter! You have a tough little melon.

You climb and stand on everything. Your brother did it first, but you do it more. I remember your first successful climb. It was onto the big toy table. Emmitt lived on it and you tried and tried. You learned to step on toys to make yourself high enough. You were so proud when you got up by Emmitt, you let out a victory squeal and Emmitt actually clapped for you.

Everything seems to come a little harder for you. But you watch and learn and you do it too. But one thing you definitely did first is walk. Taking those first steps, you did that first. You haven't mastered walking yet, but you enjoy the attention and encouragement when you do. Your first word was "dada" and then "hi" and then "momma".

You are a daddy's boy. You light up when he's around. When the front door opens, you are looking to see if he's there. You also have a great relationship with Audrey. She is your favorite buddy. She is goofy and giggly and knows how to play with you best. She gets you giggling all the time. And you have the greatest little laugh. You actually love to be tickle tortured. You will just lay there and ask for it over and over again and Audrey is happy to torture you. You also light up in her presence. She makes you happy.

You are my picky eater. I know within seconds of putting something in front of you if you're going to eat it. You love things that come out of crinkly bags. And you have a sweet tooth. I can sometimes trick you into eating a plate of food by giving you a handful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You get the sugar on you fingers and then suddenly your plate is empty :)

You also will not sit still in your highchair. I've never had to use the safety straps of a highchair with any of my other kids. I lost the strap long ago. I don't think any of the other kids could, because they were bigger babies. And it doesn't matter if I have the tray as tight as it goes, you can still stand your little body up. I have actually caught you kneeing on your tray with a huge smile on your face. I don't go far now, for your safety, and my peace of mind. I don't trust you in your highchair.

I don't think you'll always be the smallest. Actually, with the different genes you have, I'm guessing that you may be my tallest someday. Don't quote me on that, just a feeling I have. To me, you are built like a basketball player. Tall and skinny. Not that I expect you to become a basketball player, but I know your daddy is hoping for at least one.

I have really never rocked you to sleep, since you came in a pair, it was never really a possibility. But I try and steal alone time with you. You sometimes awake from naps earlier than Emmitt, so I scoop you up and hold just you. And give you all my attention, even if it's just for a few minutes. And since you are smaller, I usually have to pick up your brother first and you've learned how I scoop you up out of your crib with one hand and you grab on like a little monkey, because yes, I still carry you both at 16 months old.

Yes, I may have cried about being pregnant again. Yes, I may have panicked a little when I found out you were twins . . . and cried more. But once I laid my eyes on you, you were mine forever. And then I cried again, but those were tears of love.

I am loving the "twin thing". It is definitely a different experience. I love that you always have a friend to interact with. I'm hoping that you always remain friends, because what a great gift, to grow up with someone that you will know completely.

I try my hardest not to say "The Twins" and categorize you together all the time. I'm actually glad you look so different, so you have more of a chance to be completely individual and for others not to assume you are the same. I will do my best to be the mom you need.

I love you, my Castiel, always and forever.